My professor in American literature works at the speed of jump to hyperspace! I just finished an intense two week period of midterms. My first midterm was on the 6th of October and my last was on Friday the 16th. On Monday we get an e-mail from our professor saying that he has read through and graded all our exam papers (maybe he's really an alien and does not need earthly sustenance like sleep and food) and took us all by immense surprise. We don't expect the results from our first midterms until another week from now.

Anyways, I received an A on that paper and when the surprise abated I was mighty chuffed with myself about it, probably especially because I had far from expected it. American literature, though very interesting for the most part, has also been somewhat of a challenge to wrap my head around properly. Especially certain authors like Nathaniel Hawthorne and certain presidential speeches have proven somewhat of a challenge to penetrate in order to pinpoint exactly what they're saying. In the end though, what I am most pleased about is getting an A for written achievement. I've been close for years but never quite gotten there. It was satisfying beyond words to finally get it. I know my spoken English is good enough for A's but I wanted my written English to be up to par. I am by no means a prodigy, actually I am just very lucky, but the written result I have worked very hard for over several years. It's good to finally get there.

Yesterday I saw Chicken Run again for the first time since it got out and enjoyed it immensely. I rather love the style and the care put into making it. Also, it reminded me just how fun dancing is. Unless you've actually seen that movie I don't expect that line to make much sense. It's nice to spend the chilly October evenings inside with something you care for. The movie was nostalgic, and I have also started knitting again and sit on my bed in the evenings with it while I listen to audiobooks. Am currently working my way through Dracula. Before that I listened to Treasure Island and plan on working my way through several of old, favourite classics of mine this way.

The mountaintops are snow capped now and the mornings come with chill and frost. Winter's coming soon, but until then I am enjoying every gorgeous autumn day.

Quite interesting just how little that can happen in a person's life over several months. I've not been far from a working computer, but the absence of interesting news have been striking to say the least. I'm halfway through the first of two semesters left before I finish my bachelor's degree. By that time I will have a University exam in 18-19 different subjects altogether (but the amount of exams done will be approaching 30) and the amount of notes I have taken will probably equal a couple acres of wood worth of paper. It is very odd to think that I am starting to near an end of all this. Feels like I have been working towards it for such a long time, though in the long run four years isn't that long at all. Strange though, how University becomes your world while you're in it and the world outside is more or less something you won't have to deal with for aaaages, and then you're suddenly finished.

At the same time, I think it will feel great to finally finish it. Along with the feeling of accomplishment I can move on to something different and use the things I've learned the way I actually want to use it. I'll be qualified to teach both history and English when done because I incorporated two subjects into my degree, both of which I have a great love for. I actually find it an exciting challenge to try and make Shakespeare and the french revolution interesting to the next generation. And there are few other things I can actually see myself do as a profession in my life. After I finished with the period in my life when I wanted to be something new every week (ranging from gardener to ballet-dancer and everything inbetween) it was a teacher I wanted to be. And it's not that far away anymore. It feels unreal now, but I am sure that soon enough it will feel scary and exciting at the same time.

Apart from that though there is not a lot of new and exciting. Autumn is growing cold and we have actually already had one snowfall. It disappeared the same day, but I woke up to a few hours of white anyway, and I am hoping that bodes well for the winter to come. It's been a gorgeous autumn so far. Yesterday I spent all day working outside gathering leaves and sweeping. I also emptied my dad's fishing boat which was filled with water. I discovered that my boots were leaky and that made the experience rather cold after a very short amount of time. I really dislike having wet and cold feet. But at least it made me do the job quickly.


My garden one fine morning a week ago!

I've also found out that having an English boyfriend makes explaining my language skills to people who ask very much easier. Added bonus!

So, today is the official kickoff for the annual Blues festival held in the town where I live. It has been going on for a couple decades now and is actually growing very huge and has done so for at least the last ten years. The populations in this small, former industrial town more than doubles during these four days and there's been artists like BB King, Solomon Burke and Buddy Guy just to mention a very few over here to play. It's a festival very much rooted into this town's culture. It's quite amusing in one way really because two different genres of music has a port in this town. One is the blues and the other one is metal. They are quite different but you find both here without having to look very hard.

I always look forward to the blues festival. There is so much to do and see that you don't necessarily have to enjoy blues to have a good time (though it certainly helps). A couple years back everything was just perfect during the festival. Weather was gorgeous and Gary Moore was among the biggest names on the list of performers that year. I remember sitting in my garden and listen to the music floating up to our house from downtown. Sadly the weather isn't quite as awesome this time around. As a matter of fact the forecast today was very glum indeed and almost promised a thunderstorm. Still, they're outt here right now playing blues on CD-players they brought with them, stalls are set up where you can either make a bargain or get seriously conned depending on how savvy you are with these things and even as I sit at the DMV we're playing blues and getting into the mood.

I do look forward to sitting out with my family one evening with cold beers and listen to the music and the people and just chat and enjoy watching life. It will be great to spend Saturday walking about and looking around too, and take pictures of all the peculiar and still familiar quirks that find their way here every year.

So, I am still trying to sort out a study place for the coming school year. I was accepted for a three-year period at the University I currently attend to get my BA. Thing is, I chose to 'make my own' degree so to speak, meaning I chose subjects to put into it myself rather than following the set module. As a result I need one extra year to fill the requirements. So far nothing unusual or unexpected about that. But I still needed to get accepted into Uni for the final year. So long before summer I went to talk with some office-dweller about what I had to do to sort this out and she replied that I would get everything I needed in the mail. Because as a Bachelor-student I was entitled to at least one year extra to finish my degree. This was not a problem. I believed her. Summer came and at around late June/early July I got my marks printed out from some computer page. I looked down at this paper, blinked a few times and made a confused frownn worthy of my 'math face'. I did not understand how this was supposed to help me.

Back at work the following Monday I reach for the phone and dial a number, expecting that whatever enlightened person in the other end will be able to shed some light on this subject for me. Basically I kind of want to hear the good old 'it's going to be all right.' However, as I listen to dull and monotonous ringtones I see that I am getting automatically transfered somewhere. I feel the first furrowing-of-brows-frowning-in-confusion coming on. But at least someone answers and I explain the situation, trying to keep the urgency in my voice to a minimum. No need scaring the poor person who probably can't be blamed for my lack of information. She can't help me. Figures really. Let's take a breath and remind ourselves that Uni does not start up this instant and ask when people who might be able to help me will be around. The answer comes quickly, I may have interupted her reading some interesting webcomic that she wants to get back to, they're back a week before school starts up again. Too close for comfort for a control freak such as myself, but what can you do. I say thank you and hang up and do a well-executed headdesk.

You know how it is when you have someone in your family or a friend that you care very much about that achieves something they have been working for and you feel more happy for them than you ever did for yourself when you achieved something? I was just recently reminded of a couple such people as I was sitting through a quiet spell at work today and it made me smile all over. I think everyone who cares much for someone is inclined to be far more happy on their behalf than on their own. Especially when something big happens, or when you see them become the sort of people you always knew they could be and reach goals they set for themselves.

I sat and thought about this today, concerning two people in particular. Both important to me and both someone that I am very proud of and fond of. I remember them both from a few years back. Sort of discontent in a non-grumpy way with potential that more or less just lay there. Sort of just aimlessly drifitng. That was three years ago, and I see them both today as the exact same people but still completely different. My dear brother went from being a sort of anti social, discontented drifter to become a content, confident and lovely young man who has so many plans and so many possibilities ahead and with a mind set to reach his goals. He has achieved much these past three years. Sometimes it is even quite unbelieveable that that is my little brother, but it really is and I am proud of him every day. It's the same with the other one. I am proud of him too, in a different way. But the changes in both of them have been endlessly good to see and I am glad I was accidentally reminded of them both today. It gave me some smiles.

A friend of my brother's has a band called Venus Meadow and they have rather recently put songs of theirs out on youtube for the public to revel in (and trust me, I do). I posted a rock cover they did of Lady Gaga's 'Pokerface' earlier which you should find easily by scrolling down the page a bit. I figured that I would use my coolness and put samples out here because I believe at least a couple of you would find this a little bit awesome. See how very nice and selfless I am?




Do let me know what you think!

Yesterday I got a phonecall from my brother who is in Germany visiting some friends. It was really great to hear from him and it was grand to hear that he was having a good time. By the sound of it they were well into the cans of beer and I distinctly heard a mention of Chivaz Regal. Those mangy bastards....

Anyway, I think I have looked forward to my brother going more or less as much as he has these past few weeks, mostly because I know some stuff about their plans for him and I know he's gonna love it. It is also good that he got to go somewhere else and do something completely different and when he called yesterday I was so happy to hear from him that I wasn't sure what to do with myself after. Sounds odd perhaps, but when people I care a lot about are happy or reach goals I become insanely happy for them. Much more than I am when I reach my own goals actually.

He's gonna be seeing a concert tonight so I am assuming that my phone will ring at silly o'clock tonight when he's become properly drunk and feel an urgent need to tell me about the night. I always leave my phone on when I know my brothers are off somewhere getting drunk because they both tend to call when they're ready to go home and need someone to jabber with/at while they sober up. I have two great brothers and I love them very much and when one of them is off enjoying himself as much as my oldest brother did yesterday I can do nothing but grin cheesily all day.

Apart from that, I am just damn glad it's Friday. Starting work again really just reminded me of how swell weekends really are. Not that work is hard/hectic/stressful/pegged for hate - but loving weekends tend to come with having a weekday job anyway. Transformers 2 have yet to find it's way to cinemas around here, I am not very pleased by that.

Also, we're out of tea and I feel very much disturbed.

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I'm not always fond of coversongs, but this one caught my ear quite soundly. I must admit to having turned the volume of my speakers up to ungodly desibels as I was sorting through a lot of old University stuff this afternoon. I have been pretty much a slacker when it comes to school books and handouts that I no longer need and have managed to stash around three year's worth in boxes. No wonder my mother was going a bit crazy. Today I took them out and started sorting through, and now several hours later I have rid myself of enough paper to make one massive Midsummer's bonfire.

While sorting through my books I found one in partcular that made me snicker slightly from my first year of University;


The conditions of social science;
A study of the social philosophy of the social sciences.

I kept that one so I have something to scare my future students with.

Today you're 21. Happy birthday!
I've been thinking a lot about you today. I've been hearing your voice in my head in a non-creepy kind of way and wishing you were still around. It is not fair that you had to go so soon. It's even more unfair that I didn't really get to tell you how much I appreciated your random weirdness and acts of strange hilarity. It brightened up many days. I still don't quite know how I'll get through long, boring days at work without your e-mails to hang onto. You really made many of my days there good ones and I am really going to miss it this summer. You had a lot of nice hopes and dreams. You were so smart, so kind and caring and funny too. That's a lot of good things, and it made a wonderful person. I wish I could get a chance to tell you that, to let you know how great you were and how well I thought of you. But I hope you knew anyway Samlad.

Happy birthday.

So, summer is here now and I have had a few very hectic weeks what with exams and whatnot. It's still a bit weird thinking that I am on summer break, feels a bit too unreal and 'no way' like. Might be because they have made sure to keep me busy in my days off before I start working so I have a long list of stuff I need to do. I don't mind really, days get very boring unless you have something to fill them with.
Yesterday was good. We had a massive family dinner that me and mum had spend a lot of Saturday preparing for. I think I might still be full from it . My aunt and uncle came over, my favourite pair that be. We don't have a huge family and I only really have two pairs of aunt and uncles outside of just the close family and we don't see each other very often. Which is why yesterday was so nice, even though doing the dishes afterwards was a lot of work. We are a rather traditional bunch, the women take care of the dishes after the meal. I don't really mind that, having been raised with that I just feel like a lazy bum unless I get up to help.

I'm looking very forward to summer. Am getting a visit from a few very good friends of mine whom I visited last year (theceri.livejournal.com/40186.html) and had a great time with. Helen and Lou will visit me for a week in July and I am sure it will be awesome and I look very much forward to show them about . Sleep deprivation and Disney-marathons will follow I have no doubt. It's gonna be great. Considering how I won't be able to go anywhere this summer myself due to work it's really wonderful to have something to look forward to in a visit from good friends.

Apart from that I am doing a countdown until Transformers - Revenge of The Fallen comes to the cinemas. I was in a great big fan-fog before the first one and I bet it will be no different this time.


 

Well, Easter is pretty much over for this year, and I had some goals I was gonna reach over those days that people spend eating chocolate until they feel sick. I have yet to eat chocolate this Easter actually...
Anyways, I had this little reading list I was going to take care of, and for my own sake I should make a status report on that, if nothing else to show myself what a useless piece of human machinery I am.

• Huckleberry Finn X (but partly not my fault - I did not get a hold of the book)
• Who`s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? V
• Heart of Darkness - in progress (EDIT: 17/4 - 09 - Finished!)
  
• the damned grammar X - but I have high hopes for tomorrow.

Huckleberry Finn needs to be read, I assume a great possibility for it to show up for the final exam in May. Which means I am running a bit out of time here. Am feeling a wee bit panicky about that. Or at least I will in a relative short amount of time unless I get a hold of the book. Hmpf.
I finished Who`s Afraid of Virginia Woolf but it wasn't really a huge effort. For starters it is a play, and secondly its not even a very huge play. But disturbing in its own way. Certainly not something to read/watch for someone who is going about thinking about getting married or someone who will be married shortly. The way humans can torture each other is horrible sometimes. Talk about private hell.
I started Heart of Darkness yesterday, it's a piece of about 50 pages in my anthology of English literature. All in all not something that should be too difficult to read. The anthology isn't the best book to read from however. It's quite massive and heavy with very thin pages - kind of like in a Bible - and the text is crammed together on every page. You get tired of it. Not to mention it is a damned heavy book to haul around to read in when you get an opportunity. But oh well. Some things you have to deal with as a student.
As far as the damned grammar goes, the opportunity did not really present itself, and I take some self criticism for that. Its not like this will be any easier if I don't sit down on my own with it to read. Need to get a grip there. Silly student!

I`ve just gotten back home from spending some days up in the mountains at our cabin along with my dad. It was good to get away from home for a bit and get a change of air. I`ll admit to being apprehensive at the beginning though. We started sharing the place with another family (the son of the man we bought the place from and his family) and I haven`t been there since before that. I was sort of scared that it wouldn`t feel like our cabin anymore. There were things thwt weren`t ours there now and some changes, but all in all the place still felt like the one I had left a few years previously.

Me and dad went on the ice the first day to attend an annual ice-fishing contest. We weren`t presicely in luck, but the contest didn`t start until 11 o`clock and if you want to catch fish you have to be there much, much earlier. But it is tradition. And usually quite pleasant if the weather is nice. You can sit and enjoy the sun or talk to friends you only meet at those occasions for instance. e


And the scenery isnt bad either.


We drove to our cabin after that. It lies a good walk into the woods, and this late in winter it can be quite a challenge to get down there, because when you are loaded with luggage you sink thigh-deep into the snow for every step, and sometimes you even get stuck. With a pleasant mood and some patience it isnt much of a challenge though. (On a random note, am now listening to some metal and realised that apart from a shower that is the only thing I have really missed up there.)

  

To the right is our cabin complete with my dad in front of it, and to the left is the shed where we have the firewood and our fashionable toilet. Its a very nice place, quiet and quite lovely when the weather is proper. If the weather is crap you go inside and light a fire and play cards or something of the sort. We have actually gotten a small TV with a DVD player to it now (revolusionary!) so we can watch films when the night sets in.




Just for fun, here is a picture of traditional footwear in the Norwegian mountain regions. Theese are called lobber and are very warm and comfortable to wear inside and/or outside.

Tuesday morning I went ice-fishing (properly) with my dad. Now, proper ice-fishing includes getting up at 4-5 AM and dress very warmly and fill your thermos with whatever keeps you warm, get some breakfast down and pull your pack on your back and leave long before the sun even contemplates rising. Me and dad were wandering out on the ice just as it started getting light outside and we could see the eastern horizon get faintly pink. It is quite beautiful when you combine it with the magnificent nature, the fresh cold air and the silence. That alone is an experience that I fail to describe in words.



It was cold at first (though walking out there kept us warm) but thankfully there was no wind, and that makes everything much easier. Temperature itself isn`t so bad, it`s the wind that gets to you. Wind can make a couple negative degrees feel ten times worse than it would without it. But it wasn`t too cold that morning, and no wind - so all in all it was very beautiful. We started fishing somewhere between 6:30 and 6:45 AM and the first fish bit just before 7. I got it! I can`t describe the feeling you get when you feel the fish biting and hangs at the end of the line and pulling it up, hoping it won`t drop. And the feeling of success as you pull it up. And it tastes wonderful too. Just for the record.

 

Easter in the mountains is supposed to be a very enjoyable affair, and it really is if weather is on your side. There are few things in this world more likeable than sitting in the sun reading something and feel that the warmth of spring really is setting in. Ideally that is what you want to do when you come back from ice-fishing for 6-7 hours. You want to take a cold beer or something else nice out with you, sit down at your favourite spot, read a newspaper or a book or a Donald pocket in the sun and just enjoy being lazy. Me and dad did this, but the wind made it much less enjoyable than what it usually is. I shall demonstrate thus:



Okay. It was just a bit chilly with all the wind.

But it was still great to be there for a while and remember things from when I was a little kid and take life just as it came and not have to think or worry much about the things outside the little world one creates for oneself when you`re away from your everyday life. I feel quite rejuvenated, but at the same time I admit it will be nice not having to boil the water over a fire every time I want to wash my hands or face in warm water.

Midterms are just around the corner and that is something I find completely preposterous. I have certainly not been back at University long enough for it already to be time for midterms. One of them is oral this semester though, and I kind of look forward to that. Most people do better in oral examinations - only provided that they have actually studied of course. If you haven`t I suspect an oral exam to be kinda like torture and an introduction to how it feels when your body seemingly looses the ability to control its temperature.
I am not awfully worried, but a tad nervous nonetheless. We have some new teachers this semester, and I have really no clue about what sort of assignments they would be likely to spawn for a midterm examination - though given the fact that one of them seem to adore William Wordsworth beyond reasoning I think I should at least make sure to be brushed up within that subject at the very least.

Today I am also going back to work for the first time in quite a few months. They haven`t had a use of me in a long time, but now they apparently do. I`m pretty sure I have forgotten some 80% of what I could when I worked there every day, but hopefully the basics should return to me within about an hour. It`s all about remembering codes mostly and which one to use for what. Hopefully the real demanding, tricky people will have better things to do today. Like shovel their driveways and other such things.

One week! Just oooooone week to go until I`m free(er)! Just one bloody final to go and then I`m done. To make up for it, that final is on my birthday. So I will be bringing a muffin, a lighter and a birthday candle to light up when I feel like lunching during exam in silent defiance of spending my 21st writing philosophy.
Apart from that, I don`t dread this final too much, it`s an interesting subject (most of the time) and I enjoyed the lectures we had, so almost sad to be finished with it in fact, hopefully we will get decent exercises on the day as well. I got lucky when I sat my final in science history and got two assignments I`d love to do and could only choose one. Now that is a problem of luxury if I ever saw one. I`m gunning for another one next Friday (pretty please!). Apart from that Christmas is slowly sneaking it`s festive spirit upon the household. Due to a financial crisis in my wallet I`ve been selling my slave labours around and I`ve just snapped out of a three-day baking spree for mum. Thankfully nothing got burnt down. Mission accomplished.

Also, winter seems to actually have a solid grasp on the world up here this time, and I am thrilled to say the least. There is something undeniably dismal about a Christmas without snow at least if you`re used to having it cold and snowy (like I am). A grey, rainy Christmas is likely to get me very glum indeed, but with some luck that won`t be an issue this year. Have spent an evening in utter lazyness, watching National Treasure, am about to start watching National Treasure II - Book of Secrets. Tomorrow will be spent at the library preparing for already mentioned final. And enjoying my last weekend as a 20-year old. Not that I believe next weekend will be that much different - it will just involve cake!

   

So, today I got to see Sam`s memorial movie, and it had pretty much the effect I had expected it would have. His open sincerity always touched me, and I have no doubt it will continue to do just that whenever I`m faced with it. I reckognised much from conversations we have had before, maybe that`s part of the reason it struck me so. I remember we had a conversation about being remembered after you`re gone, and how be both agreed that we wouldn`t want to be remembered history-book style. That being remembered for the lifetime of those who knew you, and only in small moments every once in a while was far better than never being forgotten. Especially if the memories you leave behind are fond ones.

My memories of Sam are definetly fond, and though there will probably be times I don`t think of him as often I can never forget him for he gave me so much to remember him by.

Thursday evening I came home to an e-mail from the parents of a very good friend of mine. He had passed away that night, due to sudden heart failiure, sleeping peacefully in his own bed. It was probably just like going to sleep without waking up again.

Sam suffered from MD, so we all knew that there was a chance he would be gone sooner than any of us wished for, but it still came as a complete shock to read that message, and I read it over and over, not wanting to believe it - just hoping it was all a cruel joke. But you don`t joke about stuff like that.

I know how people, when they loose someone unexpectedly, suddenly finds out how short life really is, and they start talking about it in a way suggesting they had never thought of it before. I understand what they mean now. Sam was only 20 years old, he had still a lot of things to give to life, none of us were prepared to loose him just yet -  and suddenly he`s gone, taking his wonderful, winning character with him. Life is short, and I sit behind wishing I had let him know how much I cared about him more often than I did. It`s not that I think he wasn`t aware of how much he meant to me - but there were times I could have told him but didn`t. And now I can`t.
It has showed me its important to let people know how much they mean to you, even if they are perfectly healthy and likely to live to ripe old age, because you never know if they will. What if suddenly something happens, and all the things you were going to tell them one day was left unsaid because you thought you had all the time in the world? What if someone dies never knowing how much you cared?

Sam wasn't afraid to love people, he wasn't afraid to shower them with affection and random acts of immense kindness. Life hadn't corrupted him enough for him to prefer to keep people guessing at his feelings. If he had thought about me every day for a week he told me so and if there was some picture I looked beautiful in - I was told. He never let me doubt for even a second that I was an important person in his life, and I loved him all the more for it. And I hope, I hope so intensely that he also knew how much he meant to me, even if there were times I did not say so.

Live like you mean it and love til you feel it. Sam lived by that and I can`t imagine that anyone who was touched by his care, thoughtfulness, kindness and affection won`t feel like there is something missing now that he is gone.

Sam was a wonderful friend, with a heartwarming, winning way about him. He was witty and beyond kind, to put a smile on the face of everyone he met seemed to be one of his greatest goals in life sometimes. He was sincere in a way that few other people are. I remember that especially well, because once we talked about crushing on people. We all know how that feels, if someone tries to prod us into talking about that person we feel our face heat up and an intense urge to brush it off as someone you don`t "think about like that.".
Sam didn't do that. He said that talking about it made him feel giddy and tingly and that his face was warm.
I will miss his sincerity, I will miss the way he always tried to crack me up with silly stuff if I felt a bit glum. I`m gonna miss seeing e-mails drop into my inbox on crappy days. I`m gonna miss listening to him talk about all kinds of silly in audio-chats. I will miss comparing University professors. I will miss how he always teased me after I finished midterms with great results about how I had refused to believe him when he assured me I would be fine. I`m going to miss, how he every day I knew him made me feel special just through the knowledge that he was out there in the world and caring about me.

He hardly ever complained about the disease he had to live with, it seemed like the only problems it caused him was the occasional aches and pains from having to be static all day long. Just a very few times did he let me see that it actually bothered him for more than that. Despite the things he had to live with, he could always listen to trifles of everyday problems and see you through whatever bothered you. And he did it in a way that never made you feel awkward of talking to him about superficial problems. Sam was unique, kind and wonderful, he was witty, smart and affectionate and it really feels like I have lost something special in my life, one of the best friends I have ever had.

I am going to miss you Sam, and I hope you never doubted how much I always cared about you.
And I did do well on those midterms - but you knew that already, you always had faith in me.